(Inner) kids say the darndest things
Imagine for a moment that a small child comes to you for help. She’s scared, her voice is barely a whisper, but you can hear it. She wants you to comfort her and tell her she’s okay. That whatever she thinks is going to hurt her doesn’t even stand a chance because you’re there to protect her.
She’s terrified to speak her mind, because someone told her she’s stupid. She’s hiding her emotions and letting them build up because other people said she was too sensitive. She thinks she’s ugly because she heard her mother, whom she thought was beautiful, call herself ugly.
Now imagine, that child is inside of you. That she is you. And that when you’re struggling even now as an adult, it’s that child in you that is reaching out.
Realizing this is something that has helped me more than anything in my self-growth journey.
It’s a tricky topic because for some people it might be too difficult to address alone. And if that’s you, the last thing I want is for you to be hurt or upset, so please know that I’m here if you feel like you want more direct support around something like this.
But my next thought is that it could really help some people to adopt this way of thinking. Like I said, it has helped me tremendously. It has helped me to go from hurt, worry, and guilt in my relationships to peace, happiness, and confidence.
When I’m hurt or scared around something, I usually just want that feeling to go away as fast as possible. So I’ll turn to someone else, hoping they will provide me with some kind of comfort so I can move on quickly. Some people may do this, others may not. Sometimes it’ll work when they do, but usually not for long. Usually, after a while it almost never works, or we’ll just need that comfort and reassurance more often. I did this for so many years. And the longer it went on, the harder it was for me to alleviate my hurt/sad/scared feeling.
When I’m expecting other people to make me feel better, I almost always lose. I stay hurting.
Yes, people can provide support and comfort, but true healing can only come from inside.
So this morning, I wrote down on paper..
“I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m lonely. I’m angry. I want to be adored and cherished. I want to be saved.” That was the child inside me, scared because of an argument I had with someone close to me. Although we talked about it and moved forward, my inner child was still scared. Scared that she wasn’t going to be loved, scared that she would be left alone. Just scared. Once I got these things down on paper, and out of my head, I could see that it was my scared child talking, and that it was my job to help her.
Before I knew what I know now, before I had insight into my inner child, I would go on being hurt expecting other people to fix it.
Expecting them to know exactly what my fears are, and cater to them. I imagine it probably wouldn’t work. I’d grow angry with them, they'd become frustrated with me. I see it happening to myself and the people around me all the time.
But when I accept responsibility for my hurting child inside, I have the power to help her feel better. I can give her EXACTLY what she needs, which no one else in the world ever could, no matter how hard they tried.
So the next thing I wrote down on paper went more like this. “I’m here for you. You’re going to be okay. I love you. You are so loveable. I adore you. I cherish you.” I immediately felt a sense of relief. because my inner child felt comforted, assured, and loved by the person she needed to hear it from the most, me.